Living Through This Hell
by Crossfur
Summary: My life was great. I was one of the best apprentices the clan had ever seen. The love of my life noticed me, and we were planning on becoming mates when we became warriors. But now... Dying would be easier than living through this hell.


Is this thing on? Hey, Heronfeather, is it on? Ah, thanks. Ahem. My name is Applepaw. I'm an apprentice of Hillclan. Heronfeather, our medicine cat, said that talking about what happened would help with my recovery. He found this... _thing_ in an abandoned twoleg den and figured out how it worked. He says it records what I say, whatever that means. Anyway, my training has suffered from the incident, and Heronfeather was ordered by our clan leader, Cloudstar, to use any means necessary to help me recover before the semi-annual Trial of the Warrior that all apprentices of more than seven moons take. So here it goes.

* * *

><p>It started about four moons ago, in the first moon of Bareleaf. The eligible apprentices were sent out by ourselves for the first part of the final quarter assessment before the Trial of the Warrior. Gorsepaw and I decided to hunt near the solitary twolegden on our Northern border while Brackenpaw, Jumpingpaw, and Gorgepaw went towards our Southeastern border that we share with Talonclan. For some reason, the new twolegden was attracting a strangely large amount of prey, and it had become a new favorite hunting spot for the apprentices and the younger warriors, especially during Bareleaf.<p>

The dawn light shone on the new snow as Gorsepaw and I walked towards the twolegden. We were messing around, cuffing each other's ears with our paws, bumping each other into small snow drifts and trees, until we came to our hunting ground. The menacing twolegden loomed in the distance, casting a shadow on our territory. We sat a moment, staring at the large thing, before we split up. Gorsepaw went south to hunt in a large clump of trees off of the forest that was known to harbor a fair amount of birds even during Bareleaf, while I went west towards the small river that flowed just north to Southwest through the top of our territory. It flows just fast enough to avoid freezing even in the most harsh of Bareleafs, and small prey that aren't hiding go there for a fresh source of water.

When I was close enough to hear the gurgle of the ice-cold river, I slipped into my hunters crouch. My body dipped low, barely brushing through the snow. I opened my mouth to scent for any nearby prey. Some strong smelling herbs, the river, mud, but not much else. I trudged through the thick snow, my body stiffening slightly from the constant contact with the cold earth. I stopped and took a few deep breaths in, trying to rewarm my body. I had just released my breath and was about to move forward when I heard a yowl in the distance. It was Gorsepaw! I had told her that I should have hunted near the twolegden, but she had rejected all attempts I had made to persuade her into hunting where I was now.

I abandoned my crouch, turning on my hind legs and dashed back towards the twolegden and Gorsepaw. The water vole on the bank of the river dashed away, my catch lost, but I didn't care. The only thing that mattered was Gorsepaws safety. The smoke breathing twolegden quickly grew in the distance as I ran as fast as I could, Gorsepaws yowls getting louder every second. I whipped around the corner of the den seeing Gorsepaw being straddled by the kittypet.

I rammed my head into his side with such force that he rolled about three foxlengths. I arched my back and hissed at the brown kittypet. I flicked my tail to tell Gorsepaw to run. She nervously looked at the kittypet then at me before she turned and ran. I crouched down and began to circle the kittypet, my muscles tightened. I was ready to pounce when a ball of snow hit my side. The twoleg was screeching at me, and I turned and ran, confident that the kittypet wouldn't follow. I caught up to Gorsepaw and we walked back to camp at a fast pace.

We were greeted at the entrance by Rivergleam, my mentor, and Fallenfeather, Gorsepaws mentor. We quickly tried to explain why we didn't have any fresh prey, but we kept walking over each other and our story turned into a jumble of words. Riverstream chuckled. "We know. We were watching. We wanted to see how you would handle the kittypet, and I can say I'm impressed." Fallenfeather nodded her head in agreement. "You two did very well. We will report to Cloudstar and explain your situation."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and I felt Gorsepaw do the same.

* * *

><p>After two moons passed, I woke one night to find Gorsepaws bedding empty. I mumbled to myself as I blinked the crust out of my eyes. I stood up on unsteady paws and walked out of the apprentices den towards the dirt-pit. The gorse-covered tunnel led to an old cave-in that bordered our clan that we use to make dirt. The pit was empty. I didn't think anything of it at first, but the longer I was there, the more it seemed strange. I shrugged the nagging feeling off before heading back to my bed. I curled up in the moss, my back pressed up against Gorsepaws. I closed my eyes and began to fall into a nice warm… Wait.<p>

My eyes flew open. I hadn't seen Gorsepaw in the dirt-pit or on the way there, so where had she come from. Questions whirred through my head, but I couldn't think about them now. I closed my eyes, determined to get some sleep before tomorrow. I was going to find out one way or another.

The day passes quickly. Our assessments continued, and all the apprentices worked hard to make sure they knew what the Trial of the Warrior was going to hold. The second part of the assessment was a fighting assessment. We had to either beat or hold our own against our mentors. I was excited, as I have always been really good at fighting.

The apprentices lined up and faced their mentors. The mentors had gathered earlier in the morning to discuss where the mentors were taking their apprentices. We had no way of knowing where we would be fighting, and my body tingled with excitement. Rivergleam nodded to the other mentors and began to speak.

"You all know why you are here. Preparation. In three moons you will have to go through an even more challenging trial. The Trial of the Warrior. This part of the final quarter assessment allows the mentors to judge whether or not you are skilled enough in battle. Each mentor will take their own apprentice to a specific place. Silvertail, you will take Brackenpaw to the Riverbend Rocks." Brackenpaw groaned. The Riverbend Rocks was the hardest expanse of ground in our territory.

Rivergleam ignored him. "Hollowfoot, you take Jumpingpaw to the Lightning Oak. Willowclaw, you choose to take Gorgepaw to the Scorched Hill." The littermates bumped paws, excitement in their eyes.

"Fallenfeather has chosen to take Gorsepaw to the circle of trees near the Twolegplace. I have decided to take Applepaw to the Sandy Hollow." I grinned. The sandy hollow was a giant tree that had somehow rotted from the inside. It was struck by lightning, which set fire to the tree. It burned the rotting insides, but left the hard bark untouched. It was one of the best training spots in our territory.

The mentors nodded and left trailing their apprentices behind them. Rivergleam turned to me. "We best head to the Sandy Hollow. Are you nervous?"

I shivered. "Not at all. I'm excited!"

He laughed. "I'm glad. You shouldn't be nervous. You're one of the best fighters I've trained." He turned and padded towards the hollow, me quickly following.

"So what's going-?" I began to ask, but he slapped his tail over my mouth.

"We're going to walk in silence until we get there. Then I will instruct you on what to do."

I nodded sheepishly and closed my mouth.

* * *

><p>"Once we begin, we won't be stopping until one of us has given up or is incapable of fighting. We probably won't get to that extreme, but it's safe to put that measure of safety on the match. We will also keep our claws sheathed. I don't want you getting too injured." Rivergleam said, crouching into his fighting stance. I mimicked his stance and held my breath for the…<p>

"Start!" He yelled. We clashed in the middle of the hollow, our paws blurs of motion. We rolled around on the ground before we leaped apart. We were both grinning. "This is going to be fun!" Rivergleam said, and I nodded in agreement.

We circled each other, keeping a good distance from each other. Then I charged. I swung my paw low, trying to trip him, but he leaped over my head. Twisting in midair, he landed on my back. I tried to shake him off, but he was too big and heavy. My legs gave out, but I rolled to the side, trying to dislodge him.

He fell off of my back to avoid getting trapped underneath me. I found my paws first and was on him in a second. I punched at the soft part of his belly, trying to get him to submit. He rolled away and leaped up. I charged after him, trying to keep him off balance. I found myself a rabbit-lengths away. He had swatted me with his powerful paw and sent me flying. I shook my head, trying to shake the stars from my head, but he pinned me with a powerful paw to my throat.

"I… Submit." I growled, knowing that in a real fight, I could be seriously injured or dead.

Rivergleam smiled warmly at me. "That. Was a. Good. Match." He panted. "You almost had me."

I grinned up at my mentor. I didn't win, and that angered me a little, but the praise from Rivergleam instantly dissolved any ill feelings that I had towards the loss. I did, after all, still have some time to train even more.

"Let's go back to the clan." He said, closing his eyes. "That fight took it out of me!"

I nodded, now noticing fatigue weighing down on my eyelids. I hoped I still had enough energy to see where Gorsepaw was going to at night.

* * *

><p>I awoke. The bright, almost full moon shown through the apprentices den door, shining brightly enough to tell me that Gorsepaw had left. I sleepily stood up and rolled my head around my shoulders. I blinked the sleep from my eyes and stepped outside.<p>

I had figured that Gorsepaw had gone through the secret tunnel behind the nursery. That tunnel had been built to allow the Queens and Kits to escape if the clan was ever attacked. But sometimes cats used it to sneak out after nightfall to explore or meet friends from other clans, which was expressly forbidden.

The ground was dark outside the clan. There were many more trees to block the moonlight, and only specks of light touched the ground. I opened my mouth to scent where Gorsepaw had gone. I found it quickly and walked after it.

I arrived at my destination without much trouble, excluding the occasional root sticking out of the ground or the thornbush that had decided to grow right where my nose was. It still stung, and I'm pretty sure it was bleeding slightly. I rubbed it, hoping that it would rub the pain away as well.

I looked up to see where Gorsepaws scent had led me. I stumbled backwards. _No! This isn't possible! There has to be some kind of mistake!_ I thought to myself. In front of me loomed the twolegden! And on top of the twolegden was Gorsepaw and the Kittypet! They sat together like long lost mates.

I couldn't believe it! I couldn't stay here. My breath quickened and I charged back through the forest, back to the clan. I crawled back through the tunnel and ran back into the apprentices den. I crashed into my bedding and panted, unable to catch my breath. I couldn't wrap my mind around what I had seen.

* * *

><p>I woke the next morning to find the clan in an uproar. "Where is Gorsepaw?" "I haven't seen her since yesterday!" "Where could she have gone?" Assaulted my ears. I groggily stood up and walked outside. I squinted in the bright light. Once my vision adjusted, I looked around for my mentor.<p>

Riverstream was speaking with the deputy, Rosethorn. I padded over to the two, taking deep breaths to calm myself. "I know where she went." I said, my voice cracking slightly. Rosethorn looked at me dubiously, but nodded for me to continue. I took another deep breath to settle my nerves. "She… She is at the twolegden."

Rosethorn snorted. "Why would she be there? And how would you know where she is?" She asked, her voice harsh.

I flinched. "I don't know why she would be there. All I know is that she has been sneaking out at night for a while to go see that kittypet of theirs. I followed her last night and saw them on top of the twolegden, laying together like mates." I shuddered at the memory.

Rosethorn snorted. "As if!"

Riverstream nodded. "Rosethorn, my apprentice has no reason to lie. I believe him, and if Applepaw says Gorsepaw is at the twolegden, however strange and horrible it may seem."

Rosethorn told Cloudstar what I said, and they investigated my claim. They came back with their heads low. Somehow, Gorsepaw had fallen in love with the kittypet that had attacked her. They tried to talk her into coming back into the clan, but "The kittypet lifestyle appealed to her more", she said.

* * *

><p>My performance as an apprentice suffered drastically. I couldn't catch a mouse if it jumped in my paws, and I couldn't defeat a kit in a fight. I was eventually sent to our eccentric medicine cat to see if he could come up with a way for me to recover. That's why I've told you this story. I do feel a little better, knowing that someone else can hear this. Heronfeather is telling me that my time is almost up. I hope I can pull myself together in time for The Trial of the Warrior. It'll be tough, but I'll try.<p> 


End file.
